The Video Dead (1987)

So, who wants to see a zombie movie?

Streaming from: Netflix

Directed by: Robert Scott

Starring: Roxanna Augesen, Rocky Duvall, Victoria Bastel

Tagline: The living dead are here, and they’re lusting for blood – yours! and Look what’s buried inside your television.

The Video Dead features a plot (and I use that term loosely) that centers around a T.V. (complete with dials – remember those things) that comes shipped in an unmarked crate. After years of being locked up, two teens recover television and place it in their house that they have just moved into, while conveniently, their parents are out of the country.

This television is cursed with only being able to “pick up” a channel that must apparently show a scene from a zombie movie over and over and over again. However, these zombies on screen have the ability to cross over into the real world via the TV. Well, of course, a zombie gotta eat! So, chaos ensues as the zombies wreck havoc throughout this peaceful neighborhood.

Should you decide to pass this movie over on the suggestions that Netflix has chosen for you, I’ll summarized what you would have seen.

What you would be missing-

  • Cheesy acting – And lots of it. The mouth on the main actress, Roxanna Augesen, really bothered me. I couldn’t help but think that her mouth was making rectangle shapes while she talked and smiled. It was odd. With the quality of acting throughout this film, it’s no wonder that most of these actors went to appear in nothing else.
  • Giggling Zombies – Yes, you read right, zombies that chuckle after one of their antics on an old lady.
  • Did you know that old fat ladies could be washed in the washing machine? And who knew that the spin cycle still worked with the lid open?
  • Ever wondered what it would look like, or sound like for that matter, when someone’s head turned a total 360 degrees?
  • A younger brother whose machete swinging technique leaves a little to be desired.
  • A chainsaw wielding zombie
  • Boobs!
  • A  horrific soundtrack containing clearly 80’s tunes that will make you wish you still had that Walkman cassette that ate the tapes.
  • Zombies in various states of decay – ranging from those that, interestingly enough, still bleed after being dead for decades,  to another that is oddly a smurfy shade of blue.
  • Zombies that are afraid of their own reflection. Because then they can see that they are truly not among the living.
  • Did you know that zombies can also sense fear?

So, without any further ado, how would someone rate this awful movie?

I would give it a 4 out of 5…turds that is, with 5 being the worst.

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