TerrorVision (1986)

Anyone in the mood for a comedic, sci-fi, horror flick that is apparently funded partly by Heineken beer? Nah, I wouldn’t be either, but I watched it so you wouldn’t have to waste 85 minutes of your life.

Streaming from: Netflix

Directed by:  Ted Nicolaou 

Starring: Diane Franklin, Gerrit Graham, Chad Allen

Taglines: People of Earth, your planet is about to be destroyed… We’re terribly sorry for the inconvenience.

The new satellite dish of the Putterman family has picked up some garbage from another galaxy that has been converted into energy and zapped among the planets. This intergalactic energy takes the form of an alien that looks like Jabba the Hutt had sex with Seymour the man eating plant. The only one of the Putterman’s that recognizes the danger of the alien is Sherman, the youngest member of the family, and goes to great lengths to warn them of the impending danger. Unfortunately, Sherman’s parents are too interested in swinging with another couple to take any notice. The alien materializes out of the television to chow down on members in and around the house. Sherman’s sister, Suzy, and her metal head boyfriend, O.D., try to domesticate the alien; but with any household animal, they tend to be very temperamental and the slightest thing will set them off.

What you would be missing:

  • One hell of a complicated remote control.
  • Soundtrack that includes it’s own theme song. A very bad theme song that is.
  • Grandpa’s room is a bomb shelter. Really? And speaking of Grandpa, why am I grossed out when he says that he’s “Just taking care of business?” Hmmmm…must be the gooey stuff dripping off his nose and chin.
  • Huge 80’s hairdo with a wild dye job
  • Impressive starry night (looks great on the sound stage wall)
  • Come on kid, just take your medicine. Everything will be okay. And put down that semi automatic machine gun.
  • For some reason, this film thinks that people have green blood that looks like anti-freeze.
  • Boobs! – and a lactating fountain.
  • Do I really want to know what appendage that third eye ball is attached to on the alien?
  • Oh my god, it talks too.
  • And it “regurgitates” the bodies of it’s victims so that it can use them as puppets to lure other yummy house members. I think I’m starting to like this alien being more and more as the movie progresses.
  • Lightning bolt transitions during  cut scenes
  • Dude, I should have counted the number of times, “Dude”, was said.

Award Winning dialogue:

“Hey Mr. P, I’m going to grab another Heinie.”

“Holy Tomatoes!”

“Cool? It’s a warm 98.6, kinda like swimming in your mother’s womb.”

“Remember kids, you do your thing; we’ll do ours.”

Something tells me that this movie is probably meant to be seen while smoking a joint and speed drinking a case of liquor, which would explain all the stupid attempts at stupid humor. Since I don’t smoke weed and I was all out of beer, I did have to suffer through this atrocious film, so you wouldn’t have to.

I would give this movie 4.5 turds out of 5! This movie ranks in at a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Holy Tomatoes is right! Very bad movie, but I’m guessing there are worse out there.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: