Screwballs (1983)

Anyone up for a perverted, teen sex comedy that has more sexual innuendos than every season of The Benny Hill Show? No? I watched it for you so that you wouldn’t have to suffer through 82 minutes of raunchy stupidity . I took one for the team, and holy cow, do you owe me.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Rafal Zielinski

Starring: Kent Deuters, Linda Speciale, Linda Shayne, Jim Coburn

Tagline: The Raunchiest ’80s Sex Comedy of Them All!

Five of the horniest high school students you will ever see, make the decision while in detention to see who can be the first to get their hands, eyes, and anything else on the most popular and prudish girl at school, Purity Bush. After each boy does his best to make an attempt at seeing Purity’s breast and being outsmarted or shot down, they then band together for one final attempt.

What you would be missing:

  • Man, that’s one big weiner!
  • All the stereotypes are here: Jocks, Nerds, Rich Kid (with a tennis racket and ascot), Fat Kid (always eating).
  • Did high school kids really wear high heels to school in the 60’s?
  • Boobs!
  • DETENTION x 5!
  • Are all these kids horny and always speak with so much innuendo? I guess since they are all in their mid to late twenties and still in high school that’s bound to happen.
  • Ewww…creepy principal.
  • Stop me if you’ve heard this one…Three girls in dunce caps walk into an office and…
  • So, who in the world is this Muffy girl anyway? She’s made quite a name for herself in this school.
  • Well, I know longer wish to win a giant teddy bear at a carnival anytime soon.
  • I’m thinking that warm-up routine would be means for firing a coach nowadays.
  • Oh my god this sucks.
  • Jinkees my glasses, wish I could actually see those girls kicking my ass.
  • There is something disturbing about a guy fighting another in his boxers.
  • I think the teachers in this high school are by far creepier and dumber than the students.
  • Oh god, a dance off in the bowling alley.
  • Something about this reminds me of the old Benny Hill Show, but without the clever wit, comedic timing, and something the least bit funny.
  • Note to self, keep clothes on in the bowling alley. Ok, this is gross.
  • Miss Anna Tomical?
  • Oh my god this sucks!
  • Probably the most uninspiring homecoming pep rally I’ve ever seen.
  • Well, there’s Muffy…you’ve been a bad girl.
  • Apparently, the Statue of Liberty is a bit cold.
  • Burger King and Coca~Cola were sponsors of this movie, do they know what it’s about?

Oscar Worthy Dialogue:

“Good morning girls, I’m Dr. uh….Dr. Pepper.”

“Thanks Melvin, I would have gone crazy if I didn’t get something in my mouth.”

“If that seat could talk, I’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble.”

“We must, we must, we must develop our bust…”

“You’re pulling on the wrong ball!”

“Gee girls, thanks. My first strike.”

This has got to be the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my life. There are only so many sexual references one can make before it starts to get annoying. I was at that point within about five minutes of the move. I blame the movie, Porky’s, for this god awful film. This raunchier knock off makes it look like an Academy Award deserving piece of art.

Not only does this movie deserve an unprecedented 5 out of 5 turd rating, but should receive turds to fill a flaming bag of poo on the front porch. It sucked.

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