Ghoulies (1985)

Remember those movies from your childhood that you remember by one or more distinct images. You remember the images but don’tGhoulies movie poster remember actually watching the movie. Such is the case with Ghoulies. The image of the Ghoulie coming out of the toilet will forever be one that I can harkon back to my childhood and scaring my cousin, telling her that we had Ghoulies in our backpacks. With those visions in my head that I watch this movie of the 80’s that tried to piggyback on the fame of Gremlins. It didn’t work.

If you feel the need to watch this B-movie classic, then I have provided you with the Cliff Notes version that will help guide you through the interesting parts, that way you can watch it on fast forward and not miss any of this cinematic masterpiece.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Luca Bercovici

Starring: Peter Liapis, Lisa Pelikan, Jack Nance

Rated: PG-13

Tagline: They’ll get you in the end.

Jonathon and his girlfriend/wife move into a mansion he inherits not knowing that the mansion was used to house a satanic cult and the botched ritual involving a baby that happened 25 years earlier. Jonathon soon finds books about the occult throughout the house and takes an interest going as far as holding his own seance.  This spewing of incantations, brings forth little demons, or Ghoulies, that must obey their new master Jonathon. Unbeknownst to Jonathon, his dabbling into the cult has also awoken the mansion’s former leader from the grave who returns to complete the ritual from years ago.

What you would have seen:

  • Crazy green eyed cult leader – have a little trouble taking off that cloak there buddy?
  • A tribble with teeth? I’m guessing Jim Henson had nothing to do with these puppets.
  • Single grave in the front yard is never a good sign. Not to mention the pentagram on the headstone.
  • Creepy caretaker making eyes at the girlfriend. He looks like a cross between John C. Reilly and Santa Claus.
  • Books in the house about Black Magic, Witchcraft, and Pentagrams – hmmm…anyone else getting a red flag here?
  • Something about a macho Italian jerk who’s stuck on himself named Dick that makes you hate him.
  • The ultimate party game – Satanic Ritual in a circle.
  • Quitting school to study the Dark Arts and Black Magic? What? The local college didn’t offer those as courses in the curriculum?
  • Do we really need the voice ever narration?
  • And the Ghoulies come out of hiding.  Dick Nose, an ugly cat, a bat, and a Green Booger
  • Might want to check the pipes in the basement, you seem to have sprung a leak.
  • Could someone please get these Ghoulies a Kleenex?
  • What’s worse than saying another woman’s name while getting it on with your girl…apparently chanting encantations to summon demons. Sheesh, some women just don’t understand.
  • Just what this movie needed, two nearly hairless Ewoks, one of which needs to chew on some wood to keep those teeth down.
  • Where can I get me a pair of those green eyes?
  • What great dinner hosts, white cloaks for everyone. Now let’s howl at the moon!
  • Damn those dwarfs are tiny.
  • Cause it’s a Thriller, Thriller night. You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
  • Holy cow, there’s more boogers. And they have six-pack abs. I’m jealous.
  • Great, now dead Malcolm from the grave now has control over his own set of Ghoulies. Where can I get a set of my very own?
  • Pretty sure that wasn’t the french kiss he was hoping to get.
  • So that’s what two little dwarfs fighting a dick nosed ghoulie look like. Watch out, she’s deadly with that club.
  • As if the breakdancing moves weren’t bad enough at the first of the movie.
  • Oh dear, somebody forgot to flush.
  • Jonathan, I am your Father!  Nooooooooo!!!
  • Be careful, don’t  throw him up against the walls too hard, those community theater sets could fall down.
  • The jolly caretaker comes to the rescue with a staff to Malcolm’s back and a laugh that is quite distrubing – let the electric shock battle begin.
  • Amazing, all dead friends come back to life once evil is destroyed.
  • Looks like he picked up a few extra passengers.
  • Roll credits.

Deep and Thought Provoking Dialogue:

“What do you guys want to do?” – “Why don’t we play Hide and Seek?”

“If you do not drink, you will burn. The choice is yours.”

“Wow man, that chick is really a screamer.”

“No doubt about it, Mr. Dick, you are a lucky guy.”

“Hey dude, don’t Bogart that joint.”

As I mentioned before, this movie was firmly embedded into my childhood memories. However, I don’t remember and can’t believe that my mother would ever let me watch a movie like this growing up. I’m sure if I did see it, I would have thought it was awesome, what with the creatures and the killings, etc. Watching it again some 20+ years later, I have come to realize that this movie sucks just as bad as most everyone else did and that only a 10 year old would like it. However, I did get a couple of chuckles here and there.

Because of those childhood memories this movie brings, I am going to forgive it a bit for being so shlocky. With that said, I am giving this movie 3 turds out of 5.

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One thought on “Ghoulies (1985)

  1. […] be truthful, all those trolls look like the Ghoulies, I almost thought that it was a sequel to […]

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