Introducing: Warrior of the Lost World (1985)

Looking for a movie with some action, some things blowing up, and a clinic on how to spray bullets without hurting or killing anyone. Well, I’ve got one for you. I just finished watching 1985’s Mad Max ripoff, Warrior of the Lost World. This post-apocalyptic tale will have you wondering how to cut the annoying voice of a talking motorcycle while still keeping all it’s cool features. So, if you are curious but just want to put the movie on fast forward, I’ll provide the highlights for you so that you don’t miss anything important.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: David Worth

Starring: Robert Ginty, Donald Pleasence, Persis Khambatta, Fred Williamson

Tagline: Only one rider can destroy the Omega force.

Rated: R

Stunt Dummy Appearances: 3 (Can you find them all?)

While on the run from treacherous Omega troopers and post-apocalyptic punk rockers, a mercenary (only known as The Rider) and his hyped-up, talking motorcycle named Einstein crashes his way into a lost world where he is deemed “The Chosen One” to rescue their leader who is being held captive and up for death by the evil, Prossor. With the help the leader’s daughter, Natashia, our hero sets off to rescue the good Doctor. In the process of staging a somewhat successful escape from the Omega headquarters, Natashia is trapped and brainwashed into becoming a servant to Prossor, while her father and The Rider flee the area. The two then enlist the help of a rogue’s gallery of misfits to help rebel against the Omega regime and make an attempt to save the vivacious Natashia.

What you would be missing:

  • If the opening soundtrack is any indication, we are in deep trouble here.
  • Good lord, can this opening credit sequence slow down a bit? And holy cow, does this scrolling novel of a prologue ever end?
  • Nice motorcycle chase to start the film with Naziesque security force – Beep Beep Beep
  • Talking motorcycle that is grating on the nerves five minutes into the movie.
  • Dorks and Veg-outs and Geeks – Oh MY!
  • Post apocalyptic vehicle chases – with probably the worst drivers ever.
  • Bad voice dubbing – Yes please!
  • From motorcycle running into a rock cliff side to weird healing ritual with flashlights, to militaristic training center all with no explanation – great editing. This must definitely be the world of Illusion.
  • Hey! Watch where you’re pointing that gun bitch!
  • Since when do tarantulas growl, hiss, and squeak, snakes hiss like electric currents, and…what the hell? Is that a zombie?
  • Nothing says cinematic genius like a post-apocalyptic S&M show.
  • TRMNTR-114 corporal punishment – Hasta la vista, baby.
  • TROPE ALERT!!! – Heroes are deadly with  machine guns randomly firing and decimating hundreds of bad guys. Bad guys however, couldn’t hit a wall if they were standing in front of it, and apparently at point blank range.
  • Don Pleasence! Oh my god is this the model for Austin Power’s Dr. Evil?
  • Fight of the Decade: Punk Rock bitches vs Apocalyptic Hillbillies vs Omega Stormtroopers vs Ninjas vs Punk Surfer Dudes – my god, it’s the cast of the Borderlands video game. And no surprise, the hero rules them all.
  • More bad voice dubbing.
  • Who knew raising a fist would rally the troops?
  • Torture with high pitched synth sounds. Ohhh the humanity!!!
  • And the talking motorcycle is back – Hot to Trot, Hot to Trot, Hot to Trot!!
  • Slow motion car explosions x3, motorcycle and bus casualty x 1, missed bad guy point blank shots x 1,000,000
  • Nobody like a motorcycle with a dirty mouth.
  • Who can stop the large steel plated, flame throwing, spike-sporting Omega dump truck? The talking motorcycle and our hero, that’s who. Well, that ended up being rather anti-climatic.
  • And because of their horrible shooting skills, the Omega troopers are taken hostage by the band of rebels.
  • I shall call her…Mini Me.
  • Witness Fred Williamson’s Lando Calrissian moment. What a twist. I’m guessing someone was thinking sequel. Think again!
  • And somewhere there rides a…Warrior. (And he’s riding that damn talking motorcycle)

Incredible and Thought Provoking Dialogue:

“Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy! – Yippee!! Yippee!! Yippee!! – Yee Hah! Yee Hah! Yee Hah! Whoopee!!! Whoopee!!! Whoopee!!!”

“Work is everyone’s freedom. Work must be neat and efficient. Food and entertainment are provided. Silence is its own reward. Obey the laws and obligations. We are very well today.”

“Prepare her for the assembly line.”

“Wow. Wow. Wow”

After watching this movie, I couldn’t decide what it was that I liked most about it. I could recall a lot of things I hated – the soundtrack, the talking motorcycle, the cheesy acting, the stupid hand-to-hand combat sequences) but then it hit me…ahhh, the explosions! This movie had some of the most over the top vehicle explosions I think I’ve ever seen before. It’s almost as if every vehicle was a hydrogen bomb on wheels. And oh yes, I also liked Donald Pleasence as Prossor, but only because I couldn’t get the image of Dr. Evil out of my head the whole time. And the chase scenes weren’t all that bad either.  As far as the rest of the movie goes? Meh. Not much story and a lot of plot holes. If it wasn’t for the most annoying character, Einstein the motorcycle, I would have probably liked it better. CRAP!! CRAP!! CRAP!! So with that said, I am giving this movie 3 turds out of 5 because it did have some redeeming qualities and wasn’t a total waste of time.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: