Monthly Archives: June 2013

Introducing: Super Capers (2009)

Supercapers poster2It’s not very often that I get really excited about seeing a movie in the theater – The Dark Knight Rising was high on my MUST SEE movies at the theater. This weekend, another just as anticipated movie is set to hit cinemas – Man of Steel. And boy am I excited. I was threatened by my girlfriend not to go see it without her, so in the meantime, I need something to get my Superhero fix. I turned to my old faithful Netflix subscription service to provide what I was looking for. Now, I could have easily chosen some of the proven winners such as Thor, Captain America, or Iron Man 2, but that would be too good just in case my anticipation of the new Superman film didn’t live up to my expectations. No, I decided to look for something that was bad so that I would not be underwhelmed by Zack Snyder’s latest film. And low and behold, I found a potential turd in the movie Super Capers.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Ray Griggs

Starring: Justin Whalin, Michael Rooker, Clint Howard, “Tiny” Lister, Adam West

Rated: PG

Tagline: Fighting evil has never been funnier!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 0% – Ouch!

Number of  bad movie references to Great movies: 10 (And possibly more that I missed when I dosed off.)

Plot: Ed Grubberman wants desperately to become a superhero. So much so that he dons his own handmade cape and tries to fight crime out on the streets. As a result of being sued by one of the criminals he fights against, he is assigned by the local judge, to join a team of caped misfits who live in a halfway house for Superheroes. Ed gets himself in the middle of a criminal plot by the judge, who is a former superhero himself, and is framed for the theft of several gold buillion (bars). Through the powers of time travel and apparently stupidity, the team foils the plans of the criminal mastermind and uncover his secret plot.

If it sounds stupid, trust me, it is.

Important things to take away from this movie:

  • Superhero movies just aren’t the same without that distinct flipping red Marvel rectangle or the folding DC logo.
  • First indication that I’ve stumbled upon a bad move – Clint Howard.
  • Corny cartoon sound effects are going to make for a long movie.
  • Comic panel opening credit sequence that thinKs it’s extremely funny.
  • Being Merle has made Michael Rooker so much cooler!
  • Who knew this movie was going to be half live-action and half MAD magazine?
  • Good to see Adam West still getting some use out of the old Batmobile.
  • Where can I get me a Schwarzenagger robot?
  • Inflatable chairs beware with Puffer Boy around.
  • Cool looking Minotaur outfit.
  • A homophobic joke and a Christian joke both within a minute of each other.
  • Superheroes need to be careful when doing their own laundry so that their tights don’t shrink.
  • Wow, that was probably the worst Shatner impression I think I’ve ever seen.
  • Mannequins make pretty good speed bumps and they make squishing sounds.
  • Robot pick up lines sometimes go unanswered.
  • New white suit turns Grubberman into a pussy…cat.
  • FBI or Men in Black? YEAH!!
  • Dark Winged Vesper looks like a cross between Adam West’s Batman and Dracula.
  • Will Powers plays Wack-A-Mole with Red. Don’t call him old.
  • Why does a Superhero spoof keep referring to a science fiction movie?
  • It looks like Michael Rooker is about to walk off the set at the stupid “Return of the Jedi” scene. – “This is ridiculous!” Hell I’d leave too.
  • If you hit pause you might actually be able to tell that Arnie robot has a face.
  • Cue god awful Back to the Future sound alike music. Alan Silvestri must be throwing up.
  • Morbidly bad Marlon Brando impersonation
  • Don’t we all need an “In case You’re Screwed” button?
  • OMG! The Greatest American Hero theme! Easily the best way to end a terrible movie.
  • What the Hell? Need a good Chili Pie recipe? Watch the credits.

Super Sayings and Dynamic Dialogue:

“I’m going to send you to a Superhero halfway house.”

“I was Manbat, would you like an autograph?”

“How many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open when she brings it.”

“SuperCapers, let’s rock!”

“I’m making a sound effect. No superhero can use his powers without a good sound effect in the background.”

“Do you always talk to yourself?” – “Ah crap, that was supposed to me my inside voice.”

“Great horny toads, it needs some adjusting.”

THE FINAL WORD:

Now, there are several movies that I loved growing up as a child and even those that I would say have had a big impact on my movie watching experiences and my in some way my childhood growing up. CRASH! I however do not feel the need to make a crappy movie  and shove in corny and out of place references to these films to show my appreciation for them. That’s what this film has done. With references to respectable movies such as Star Wars, Back to the Future, James Bond, Star Trek, and others, SuperCapers ends up a jumbled and very unfunny superhero spoof that looks more like director Ray Griggs is making fun of the movies that influenced him rather than paying homage to them. Z ING! Why is it, the movies that are purposely trying to be funny end up being some of the dumbest? The actors try to make the dialogue sound funny and do a pretty good job with what they have been forced to work with. WHACK! And what spoof wouldn’t be complete without the occasional cameo from former Hollywood stars (Adam West, Clint Howard, June Lockhart) I use the term “stars” loosely of course. ZAP! Griggs even gives himself a role in the film.  HONK!  He should stick to directing, at least the direction of the film was done too terribly bad. But, I plead to all filmmakers out there who are wanting to make a film that is family friendly and supposedly funny. Please, please, please, for all that is good in the world, stop adding the cartoon sound effects to every little action. BOING! SPROING! THUD!!  In describing this film, I’ll use one of the favorite sayings of hero Ed Grubberman, “Crap”. I’m giving this superhero spoof 3.5 out of 5 turds.  SPLAT!

super capers Adam West

UPDATE!!!

“Man of Steel” kicks ass by the way.

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Introducing: Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

sleepaway-camp-ii-nelson-vhs-frontJust spent four weeks at summer camp to start my summer vacation and now with my tour of duty done (for now) I can catch up on some movies and the blog. I’m sure my couch has been missing my ass this whole time. So, what better way to start of my post summer camp movie viewing than watching movies about, well, summer camp. Growing up in the 80’s brought a plethora of camp movies from Meatballs to Friday the 13th. It was the Saturday night slasher films that have always been the most interesting and entertaining to me. And with that, I was excited to see a series of B-Movies camp slasher flicks, starting with Sleepaway Camp 2.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Michael A. Simpson

Starring: Renee Estevez, Pamela Springsteen (yes-Bruce’s sister), Brian Patrick Clarke, Walter Gotell

Rated: R

Tagline: When you go camping, just take the essentials.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 20%

Crazy Counselor’s Body Count: 18 and 1 implied

Camper turned serial killer in Sleepaway Camp, Angela Baker returns to a new camp only this time with a new identity and new position as counselor. Her goal is to make sure that the campers are following the rules and being nice and if they aren’t then she takes it upon herself to “send them home” or kill them one by one in interesting and macabre ways.

Important Things you can Learn:

  • People with mullets always tell the best ghost stories around campfires.
  • Be sure to pick Angela for the softball team, she’s got quite the swing.
  • Boobs! Boobs! – Tit Patrol reporting for duty
  • Camp is for early 20 year olds who get stoned and sleep naked.
  • Blue Ribbon winning counselors are always the most chipper in the morning.
  • Anybody think that names of the campers is a coincidence? Molly, Ally, Judd, Charlie, Sean, Emilio, Demi, etc
  • Can you find the wet t-shirt winner?
  • Getting high and drunk is likely to get you burned during camp.
  • The loudest pantie raid ever. Nothing encourages bunk bonding than a pantie sort.
  • Boobs!
  • Were there cordless drills in 1988?
  • In the naval reserve!  Ha Ha! Good one.
  • Not sure exactly what the “feel the surprise in the box” game was for? I can’t imagine a bunch of high school graduates would be lining up for that one. Thank god for them that Justin Timberlake wasn’t there, we all know what he likes to put in a box.
  •  Polaroid Boobs!
  • Turn that radio up. Hell yeah! The only black girl in camp likes her some 80’s hair metal. That’s her jam!
  • A black Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger with a mullet. Yeah, I’d be scared.
  • Boobs!
  • Wait blonds can’t read can they? Why does she keep looking at that note?
  • Was that a leech or a turd on poor Ally’s face?
  • Guitar strings are awfully tough on the throat.
  • Apparently when a girl screams at camp, nobody seems to care.
  • Dear Angela, would you please learn another verse to the song, Kum ba yah.
  • Looks like Freddy Krueger got his face back.
  • Tips for Kids #1: Battery acid kills if it comes in contact with your skin, so please be careful.
  • Gotta love our justice system. Serial killer gets out after four years. She’s perfectly cured. After psychiatric treatment and electro therapy that is.
  • Bravo for Anthony’s Ned Stark impression.
  • Great, kill the only two kids who were of age to go to this summer camp.
  • If the smoking doesn’t kill you, the crazy camp counselor will.
  • Nice 80’s ballad as the credits roll.

Quotable Quotes:

“Screw you Angela, if you want to send me home, then fine, see if I care!”

“Nice girls don’t have to show it off.” – But it sure helps.

““Oooooohhhh, I’m a happy camper! I love the summer sun. I love the trees and forest; I’m always having fun!”

“Party hats at Two O’Clock.”

“Not tonight, I’ve got a date.” – “With who?” – “His left hand!”

“Keep your morals strong, and you will never be wrong.”

“Who locked the door? I’m gonna tell!”

“Molly, stop. I just want to be your friend!”

“Thanks for picking me up.” – “Heck, ain’t no skin off my tits. Besides, a girl like you shouldn’t be alone on this road.”

THE FINAL WORD:

Well, Sleepaway Camp 2 was not anywhere close to the first in this schlocky series of teenage/camp slasher movies. Probably the most notable changes between the two, for those who have seen the first, is that the main character is portrayed by a completely different actress which makes sense due to the “sexual reconfiguration” of the character. She also adds some attempted humor with some witty one-liners for each of her victims before she does them in. Regardless whoever the main character is, they won’t be in line for any type of thespian award anytime soon. As for the rest of the cast, it’s a B-Movie for god sakes, I don’t know what I’m expecting. The acting aside, unfortunately the plot of the film is not one of them. I was really, really bothered how the filmmakers tried to pass off it’s twenty something actors as young teens who would actually attend a summer camp of this caliber. Despite it’s bad acting and weak story, every horny heterosexual male will love the copious amounts of breasts being bared. During the first 2/3 of the film, there is hardly a five-minute period that goes by that isn’t broken up by a pair of “party hats”. In addition to the breasts, there are a couple of sex scenes as it would not be an 80’s slasher movie without one. While I could continue to mention the scenes that show plenty of skin, it behooves me to mention the best part of any teen killer flick – the over-the-top elimination of each character. This film has quite the murder menagerie which ranges from battery acid to the face and having a lobotomy via a drill bit to drowning in an outhouse toilet full of crap and leeches. And yes, there are the horror film staples, the throat slashing and the always popular decapitation.

While this slasher film isn’t anything like the Friday the 13th movie that it wants so desperately to be, it is mildly entertaining, if nothing else for the body count that is amassed throughout the film. I am giving Sleepaway Camp 2 a rating of three turds out of five, which is somewhere between being sliced by a chainsaw and burnt to a crisp on a barbecue.

sleepaway camp jason

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