Tag Archives: robot

Introducing: Mutant Hunt (1987)

The promise of mutants in a film’s title is always something to behold. The prospect of hunting them makes it even more interesting. I was anticipating my viewing of the film, Mutant Hunt. Well, don’t judge a film by it’s title, because that’s seventy-five minutes of my life I won’t get back, and the images I was left with are liable to haunt me forever. Just in case you don’t have time to watch this sci-fi masterpiece, I’ll provide you with the key points of the film so that you can instead go out and practice up on some lame karate kicks and fighting skills.

Streaming: Netflix

Directed by: Tim Kincaid

Starring: Rick Gianasi, Mary Fahey, Ron Renaldi, Taunie Vrenon, Stormy Spill (not even kidding)

Tagline: Man has created his ultimate enemy.

Rated: Not Rated

Missed Kick/Punch Count:  25 or possibly more

An evil henchmen who apparently earned a GED from the Academy of Evil Villains unleashes his horde of robots on New York City hopped up on their drug of choice, euphorium (or something like that) and kidnaps the scientist who had a hand in creating them. The scientist’s sister escapes capture and vows to rescue her brother by rooting out martial-arts expert (apparently self-proclaimed) and acclaimed mutant hunter, Matt Riker. Along the way, Domina, another villain and apparent Academy lab partner of Z, get jealous that Z is using all the euphorium and begins to create her own specimen. Riker enlists the help of his fellow trained monster killers, Felix and Elaine, who combined with their vast arsenal of martial arts kicks and missed punches, battle the deadly and blood-thirsty Z, Domina, and their troop of killing machines.

What you would be missing:

  • Two opposing villains, this could get interesting.
  • Give a robot a dose of euphorium and they become a sex machine, but then have to kill every six hours. The robot’s version of Viagra.
  • Something disturbing about seeing a man “fight” in his tightie whities…gross. Get some clothes on dude. My god, I’m hoping thats a chihuahua he’s smuggling in his shorts.
  • That is one sparsely furnished apartment unless you count the weapons hung on the walls and laying on bedside desktops. Arrows, samurai swords, shotgun, some strange laser thing, etc.
  • Don’t mind the hooker robot who was just thrown out the window in a pile of “blood” and egg yolk. Either that or Ryker had just given her a fill up.
  • Fight scenes that look like two eight-year old kids choreographed them and were very careful not to make any actual contact with each other. Complete with random kick and punch “slapping” sounds thrown in, you’d think the eight year old created the sound effects for the scenes as well with their mouths.
  • Um…hey cyborg…if your handcuffed to a pipe and plan on cutting your hand off, you might want to cut on the other side of the clasp. – Oh well, guess I was the fool, continuity in movies is overrated anyway…especially this one.
  • Quite the classy strip club. The dancer may want to invest in some moth balls for her closet, that outfit is full of holes.
  • Two long-haired tough guy brothers charge the stage and get their asses kicked – too bad none of her kicks landed. This of course was after one had his arm around the other seductively whispering in his ear.
  • Where can I get myself one of those kick ass watches and hyper running shoes.
  • Mr. Speedy Shoes is the keeper of the gadgets – Riker’s own Agent Q.
  • Human Life Termination – In Progress – Pop goes a head
  • A bomb implanted at the base of the skull. And without any anesthesia. This guy is as tough as nails.
  • Holy cow, if the quality of acting was any indication, it would be tough to find someone who wasn’t a cyborg.
  • Oh my, someone needs to teach this villainess how to properly tie a hostage up in chains.
  • Uh oh , look out it’s the two tough brothers. I’m sure they will get the job done. Nevermind.
  • Oh, I don’t know, perhaps a bad soundtrack choice maybe?
  • Probably the best special effects of the movie are with the half-faced robot.
  • I wonder if these guys did all their own stunts, the jump from the top of the bus was quite dangerous and graceful at the same time.
  • The fight sequences just keep getting better and better as the movie progresses. I think I’ve seen more realistic fighting at the local Renaissance Festival. Lightning Bolt-Lightning Bolt-Lightning Bolt!
  • Oompa Loompa doopety do – we all wear white and move boxes for you.
  • I’m getting the feeling that Z was an Evil Genius school dropout.
  • Hey Mexican Cheetah guy, why don’t you just stand there while your partners are getting beat up by these horny, blood-thirsty cyborgs.
  • And mysteriously there is blood on Z. Is he a professional wrestler by trade, I think he bladed!
  • The action in this film is fast paced and furious, it just looks like everyone is in slow motion.
  • Even the little girl in this movie has trouble keeping her clothes on properly. Looks like job security for the owners of Club Inferno.
  • And the heroes walk toward the camera in dramatic fashion to end the movie. What no explosion in the background?

Academy Award winning Dialogue:

“…ever since the space shuttle sex murders two years ago”

“I hate it when men save me.”

“Thank you Doe-mean-a.”

“I’ve just finished implanting a micro explosive device at the base of your skull.”

“You sorry collection of useless filaments.”

“Watch out, his hand, don’t let him use his hand!”

I must say that this film was made by a former gay-porn director and god am I thankful that this was the film of his I watched. This film was BAD, BAD, BAD on many levels, but I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at a movie that tries to take itself seriously. I seriously had to stop the movie on a couple of occasions because I was laughing so loud. The cheesy acting, the lamer than lame fight scenes, the inconsistencies in the film’s plot and from scene to scene, the unforgivable dialogue, oh…I could go on and on. As far as movie quality goes, this film deserves a 5 turd rating, but because of the sheer fact that it was what I can only describe as… an entertaining kind of terrible, I’ll give it 4 turds instead.

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National Lampoon Presents Robodoc (2008)

Anyone up for watching a hospital drama with some deep character development and intriging story arcs? Well then Imageyou should probably stay away from this hospital satire whose sex and fart jokes will make you wish that is was your eyes were thrown across the room by the hospital receptionist (yes that was in the movie).

Streaming on: Hulu+

Directed by: Stephen Maddocks

Cast: Alan Thicke, Michael Winslow, David Faustino, One of those damn Deluise brothers

Tagline: Accepting New Patients

In a the world of high cost health care, greedy lawyers are at the ready to jump on any malpractice suit. With his group of informants inside the hospital, attorney Jake Gorman makes a killing on cases of malpractice. In an effort to cut down on the number of malpractice lawsuits from it’s doctors, a hospital puts their money into the perfect doctor, a robotic model, MD-63, or Robodoc. Much to the chagrin of Gorman, Robodoc doesn’t make a mistake and has an updated knowledge database of everything in the world.

What you would be missing:

  • A chance to name all the 80’s sitcoms this entire cast starred in.
  • Ahh…the old baby pissing in the face gag
  • Mime with a sore throat…nice one.
  • Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees…Look at these! When was the last time I heard that… in 4th grade?
  • Boobs!
  • Someone got their inspiration from Data on Star Trek.
  • Definitely more balls hit here than the Kansas City Royals did since the All-Star break.
  • Fonda Johnsons? More plays on words please.
  • If I have to see that Deluise guy make one more of those stupid faces, I think I’m going to throw my remote.
  • Every hospital has a Cross-Eyed Children’s Clinic right?
  • Radioactive pregnancy results, that can’t be good.
  • While a nurse changes into her evening gown in the morgue, the corpses definitely bring new meaning to the word stiffs.
  • Apparently Norton Anti-virus doesn’t work on robots either.
  • Parker Lewis CAN lose and this script proves it.
  • Every hospital has a Blind Children’s Clinic right?
  • Way to end with a politician joke.

Award Winning Dialogue:

“This woman has acute appendicitis”. “Actually, I’ve seen her naked and she doesn’t look cute in anything.”

“We had to put her on a breastperator.”

“I may be a RAT, but you are a RAT BASTARD!”

“Save his NUTS, and bolts.”

Thank the lord I’m not in middle school anymore otherwise I would have found this movie just hilarious giving my buddies and I something to reference and quote for the next few weeks. But since I don’t have the sense of humor of 12 year old (although you wouldn’t know it given my current system for rating these movies), I give this film 4 turds out of 5.  I am only giving it that rating because embarrassing as it may be to admit, there were two spots that made me chuckle out loud.

Now that I’ve watched this medical nightmare, you won’t have to.


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