Tag Archives: serial killer

Introducing: Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

sleepaway-camp-ii-nelson-vhs-frontJust spent four weeks at summer camp to start my summer vacation and now with my tour of duty done (for now) I can catch up on some movies and the blog. I’m sure my couch has been missing my ass this whole time. So, what better way to start of my post summer camp movie viewing than watching movies about, well, summer camp. Growing up in the 80’s brought a plethora of camp movies from Meatballs to Friday the 13th. It was the Saturday night slasher films that have always been the most interesting and entertaining to me. And with that, I was excited to see a series of B-Movies camp slasher flicks, starting with Sleepaway Camp 2.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Michael A. Simpson

Starring: Renee Estevez, Pamela Springsteen (yes-Bruce’s sister), Brian Patrick Clarke, Walter Gotell

Rated: R

Tagline: When you go camping, just take the essentials.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 20%

Crazy Counselor’s Body Count: 18 and 1 implied

Camper turned serial killer in Sleepaway Camp, Angela Baker returns to a new camp only this time with a new identity and new position as counselor. Her goal is to make sure that the campers are following the rules and being nice and if they aren’t then she takes it upon herself to “send them home” or kill them one by one in interesting and macabre ways.

Important Things you can Learn:

  • People with mullets always tell the best ghost stories around campfires.
  • Be sure to pick Angela for the softball team, she’s got quite the swing.
  • Boobs! Boobs! – Tit Patrol reporting for duty
  • Camp is for early 20 year olds who get stoned and sleep naked.
  • Blue Ribbon winning counselors are always the most chipper in the morning.
  • Anybody think that names of the campers is a coincidence? Molly, Ally, Judd, Charlie, Sean, Emilio, Demi, etc
  • Can you find the wet t-shirt winner?
  • Getting high and drunk is likely to get you burned during camp.
  • The loudest pantie raid ever. Nothing encourages bunk bonding than a pantie sort.
  • Boobs!
  • Were there cordless drills in 1988?
  • In the naval reserve!  Ha Ha! Good one.
  • Not sure exactly what the “feel the surprise in the box” game was for? I can’t imagine a bunch of high school graduates would be lining up for that one. Thank god for them that Justin Timberlake wasn’t there, we all know what he likes to put in a box.
  •  Polaroid Boobs!
  • Turn that radio up. Hell yeah! The only black girl in camp likes her some 80’s hair metal. That’s her jam!
  • A black Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger with a mullet. Yeah, I’d be scared.
  • Boobs!
  • Wait blonds can’t read can they? Why does she keep looking at that note?
  • Was that a leech or a turd on poor Ally’s face?
  • Guitar strings are awfully tough on the throat.
  • Apparently when a girl screams at camp, nobody seems to care.
  • Dear Angela, would you please learn another verse to the song, Kum ba yah.
  • Looks like Freddy Krueger got his face back.
  • Tips for Kids #1: Battery acid kills if it comes in contact with your skin, so please be careful.
  • Gotta love our justice system. Serial killer gets out after four years. She’s perfectly cured. After psychiatric treatment and electro therapy that is.
  • Bravo for Anthony’s Ned Stark impression.
  • Great, kill the only two kids who were of age to go to this summer camp.
  • If the smoking doesn’t kill you, the crazy camp counselor will.
  • Nice 80’s ballad as the credits roll.

Quotable Quotes:

“Screw you Angela, if you want to send me home, then fine, see if I care!”

“Nice girls don’t have to show it off.” – But it sure helps.

““Oooooohhhh, I’m a happy camper! I love the summer sun. I love the trees and forest; I’m always having fun!”

“Party hats at Two O’Clock.”

“Not tonight, I’ve got a date.” – “With who?” – “His left hand!”

“Keep your morals strong, and you will never be wrong.”

“Who locked the door? I’m gonna tell!”

“Molly, stop. I just want to be your friend!”

“Thanks for picking me up.” – “Heck, ain’t no skin off my tits. Besides, a girl like you shouldn’t be alone on this road.”

THE FINAL WORD:

Well, Sleepaway Camp 2 was not anywhere close to the first in this schlocky series of teenage/camp slasher movies. Probably the most notable changes between the two, for those who have seen the first, is that the main character is portrayed by a completely different actress which makes sense due to the “sexual reconfiguration” of the character. She also adds some attempted humor with some witty one-liners for each of her victims before she does them in. Regardless whoever the main character is, they won’t be in line for any type of thespian award anytime soon. As for the rest of the cast, it’s a B-Movie for god sakes, I don’t know what I’m expecting. The acting aside, unfortunately the plot of the film is not one of them. I was really, really bothered how the filmmakers tried to pass off it’s twenty something actors as young teens who would actually attend a summer camp of this caliber. Despite it’s bad acting and weak story, every horny heterosexual male will love the copious amounts of breasts being bared. During the first 2/3 of the film, there is hardly a five-minute period that goes by that isn’t broken up by a pair of “party hats”. In addition to the breasts, there are a couple of sex scenes as it would not be an 80’s slasher movie without one. While I could continue to mention the scenes that show plenty of skin, it behooves me to mention the best part of any teen killer flick – the over-the-top elimination of each character. This film has quite the murder menagerie which ranges from battery acid to the face and having a lobotomy via a drill bit to drowning in an outhouse toilet full of crap and leeches. And yes, there are the horror film staples, the throat slashing and the always popular decapitation.

While this slasher film isn’t anything like the Friday the 13th movie that it wants so desperately to be, it is mildly entertaining, if nothing else for the body count that is amassed throughout the film. I am giving Sleepaway Camp 2 a rating of three turds out of five, which is somewhere between being sliced by a chainsaw and burnt to a crisp on a barbecue.

sleepaway camp jason

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Introducing: Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

Gingerdead-ManWe’ve survived Black Friday shopping sprees and Cyber Monday sessions at the computer and now it’s time for the holiday season. Christmas lights, mistletoe, presents, bad Christmas movies. And oh yes, there are some. When the weather gets cold and families want to bundle and cuddle in front of their televisions for a good movie, holiday movies are watched in mass. My gift to you is a weeding out of some of those really awful Christmas movies so that you can watch something better with your family.

My first red flag of a holiday movie is called Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver. You might be thinking, I’ve never heard of the first two movies and there is a terrible pun in the title, this movie must be cheesy and stupid. And you would be correct. While the theme of a Gingerbread Man is a Christmas icon, the movie itself has nothing to do with the holiday season. You might want to save your self the time and put the video on fast forward and take a look at the notes of all the important things to watch for we’ve provided.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: William Butler

Starring: Jackie Beat, Kimberly Pffefer, Justin Schwann, Zachary Haas

Tagline:

Rated: R

Bad CGI Gingerbread running shots: 5

A killer Gingerbread Man is released from a “maximum” security mental institute and time travels himself back to the year of 1976 where he wrecks havoc on a lowly Roller Boogie Skating Rink that is about to go out of business. For no apparent reason other than being evil and mean, the Gingerdead Man hacks, chops, and shots his way through the facility. With the help of two time traveling kids, a telekinetic nerd girl, and some infamous serial killers the goal is to save the Roller Derby and put the evil gingerbread cookie back into his cookie jar. – Trust me, it sounded stupid even typing it, but that’s the premise of the film.

What You Want to Watch for:

  • Enjoyable title sequence
  • The Scientific Research Institute for the Study of Homicidal Baked Goods? Is this where the Twinkie is going to end up?
  • Hey where’s the cream filling…never mind.
  • Candyland Island? Where do I sign up?
  • You don’t show appreciation for someone by biting their nose off.
  • Oh no! Not a another Roller Skate movie! I’ve already suffered through this once already – Roller Boogie!
  • Ugliest looking Gingerbread Cookie ever.
  • Roller Bake Sale – that ought to bring in a quick $84,000. Where are those other pastry characters when you need them?
  • Erotic Car Wash
  • Does time travel make gingerbread cookies fatter. The Gingerdead Man looks to have put on a few pounds when traveling through time.
  • Telekinetic niece name Cherry – I smell a Carrie spoof
  • Public Service Announcement: Hydrochloric Acid and sluts don’t mix too well
  • Gingerbread boners break off easily – He should have watched Porky’s
  • It all gets gross when the janitor gets involved.
  • Just how many nails can one nail gun hold anyway?
  • Can we have more out-of-place random quotes from the Gingerbread puppet please?
  • Well now we know the truth behind what caused the attack on Pearl Harbor.
  • How many skating rinks to you know that are equipped with not only a nail gun, but also a meat cleaver.
  • Snorting Comet cleaner makes your eyes bulge out. Yet another public service announcement.
  • One splitting headache coming up…man, I just came up with some better dialog for the Gingerdead Man.
  • Gunshots to the head spray like water fountains.
  • Electrical currents can surge through everything and everyone in a roller disco.
  • Adolf Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, Lizzie Borden, and Charles Manson add another dose of stupid. At least Bill and Ted grabbed someone important like So-crates on their Excellent Adventure.
  • Oh no! Not my Gumdrop buttons!!!

Quotable Quotes:

“I know, maybe we can hold a Roller Derby Disco Bikini Car Wash in the parking lot tonight!”

“She’s Cherry, and I’d like her to stay that way.”

“Coming to cop a squat honey buns?”

“Do a little dance, make a little love, gimme a homicide tonight.”

“You’re one hot twat babe.”

“It’s a murderous confectionary treat.”

“…And her trusty sidekick, Pickles.”

Maybe without the lame attempts at movie spoofing this movie may have been somewhat tolerable. But then I also can’t ignore the cheesy and stupid dialogue (which consisted of hundreds of grunts, “ohs”, and “whoas” from the title character) and the very, very badly done CGI. Practically every kill was done through the use of CG and made as if a thirteen year old had used MovieMaker or iMovie to add special effects to their YouTube video. Gingerdead Man is yet another film that doesn’t take itself seriously at all and it actually hurts it. It may have been more enjoyable if the filmmakers would have tried to take a bit of it seriously and not put so much effort into trying to conform their story into a movie spoof. The one-liners from the main character started off a bit humorous, but then just became predictable and unnecessary. The most charming and enjoyable character throughout the whole film was a little boy with the name of Pickles. Everyone else just seemed really annoying.

There is not much for a soundtrack as various disco tunes played throughout (and it sounded like the same song over and over), however I will give kudos to the opening theme song and credit sequence. The song was more cleverly written than the film itself. Despite all of it’s flaws, I have unfortunately seen worse movies than this. I am giving this dreadful movie a very reluctant 2 turds out of 5, but only because I’m in a giving mood for the Christmas season.

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