Tag Archives: shark

In the Meantime…

sharknado posterBeen a couple of weeks since I’ve had a chance to sit and review a cheesy flick on one of my video streams. It’s summertime and I’ve have been more than busy. So until I can get some time to relax, let me tempt you with a film that is sure to be streaming at some point but can be reviews this week courtesy of the SyFy Channel.

Bet my word that this film is perfect turd material. Leave it to the SyFy Channel and Shark week to never let us down.

 

 

Sharknado – Trailer —

http://www.syfy.com/videos/Syfy%20Movies/Promos%20&%20Trailers/vid:2659154

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Introducing: MegaShark vs Crocosaurus (2010)

Giant and abnormally sized animals usually don’t make for a great movie premise. Think of all those movies we’ve seen over the years with giant ants, spiders, anacondas, etc. These types of movies are not blockbuster caliber, but usually make for a good chance to sit back and unwind and enjoy the hump day. What a great way to just let your mind go and be entertained. That’s when I had my curiosity peaked when the title Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus crept across my “Recommended” listings on Netflix. (An embarrassing fact about my  somewhat lack of taste in my Netflix viewing habits apparently.) As I cranked up this movie however, I was in for a night of cheesy acting and many a plot hole – just what a B-movie needs. I hadn’t counted on something like this however. Take my advice and watch through this film with the fast forward button pressed firmly.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Christopher Ray

Starring: Jaleel White, Gary Stretch, Robert Picardo

Tagline: Whoever wins…We lose!

Rated: R

Number of scenes reused: 4

In this sequel to the ever-so-popular, “Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, an over-sized, prehistoric crocodile emerges from a cave to gobble up people and look for a place to lay its eggs. Meanwhile, a large prehistoric shark, a Megalodon, is disturbed by some experimental sonar sounds that make it go bat shit crazy. While both creatures wreak havoc over their respective surroundings, a team of scientists and naval officers look for a way to destroy both animals. The crocodile is captured and is accidentally let loose during transport, which was conveniently where the Megalodon was roaming the seas. After the croc lays her eggs, the shark decides that a diet of naval sailors wasn’t fulfilling enough and makes its way to snack on the  newly laid crocodile eggs. This pisses the croc off and they battle each other out to sea while the scientists work out a plan to lure them into a specific area to blow them up using a nuclear submarine.

What you want to watch for:

  • Warning!! This is a film made by The Asylum.
  • Hey Master, what accent are you going for there, Australian? Red-neck? Australian Red-Neck?
  • Giant crocodile that would make Ray Harryhausen proud
  • Oh my god, it’s Steve Urkel!
  • Wow, that’s a big ass shark.
  • Remember that scene from Free Willy when Willy jumps over the embankment? Imagine that scene with a battleship and a shark.
  • So is that considered jumping the shark?
  • Nice wild boar backpack
  • Don’t know which is worse, the acting or the CGI?
  • Smart idea. Let’s jump in the water with both a giant shark and a giant crocodile.
  • What? Kids on an isolated island out in the middle of the ocean? Okay I’m lost. Where did they wash up exactly?
  • Umm…Flying shark? With a missile in it’s mouth.
  • How does this crocodile keep changing size? Now it’s bigger than a science museum?
  • Godzilla! Godzilla!
  • Mmmmm…Shamu snack
  • Shark eating a submarine like a dog fetching s stick.
  • First Orlando, then Panama, California, and off to Hawaii. Just how fast are those creatures moving?
  • One nuclear sub, down the hatch. Stay out of the way of that burp.
  • Crocodile seems to be in two or three places at once
  • I think my head is starting to spin.
  • How convenient that there is an unmanned raft just sitting on the beach?
  • Didn’t we just see that scene? And again? And again?
  • Not sure what the hell just happened.  Something about a volcano, a nuclear sub and two large animals fighting. Long story short…one big explosion, all dead.
  • The End, and god bless.

Dynamic Dialogue:

“Who wants an omlette that big?”

“Either dig deeper and tell me you love me, or undo the handcuffs and let me do it myself.”

“We don’t have a cage or tank big enough.”

“I suggest you bring your hydrosonic balls with you.”

“The shark has gone nuclear.”

“Listen here, you fake ass pirate!”

“Sir, the creatures are toast.”

Wow, that’s about all I can say after watching this movie. This movie is a total piece of poo. It was like watching 88 minutes of random events that lead and no timeline to speak of. You would think that all of these events would have happened in a matter of two days and covered nearly the whole globe. What a stupid, stupid movie. Did anyone do an ounce of research for this movie? What it be so much to possibly explain the existence of these two creatures? Where did they come from and why are they still alive? How is the Croc able to reproduce? Is this reptile all of a sudden asexual?

I realize that this was a low-budget straight to video and probably right on to the Syfy Network movie made by The Asylum, who are notorious for bad movies, but this one is ridiculous. The lame attempt at CGI was inexcusable throughout most of the movie. I’ve seen better special effects from YouTube videos made by middle and high school kids. And even though there was some familiar faces cast in the film, their acting was just terrible. The only redeeming quality that I could salvage out of this film would be the soundtrack. Not that it was great, but it actually tried to envoke a tone throughout the film. So, with the soundtrack as the only positive, the movie gets a 4.5 turds out of 5.

It is nice to see that someone tried to make sense of the mess that is the plot and timeline of Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. This is a helpful infographic about the film from www.staubman.com .

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus

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