Tag Archives: slasher

Introducing: Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

sleepaway-camp-ii-nelson-vhs-frontJust spent four weeks at summer camp to start my summer vacation and now with my tour of duty done (for now) I can catch up on some movies and the blog. I’m sure my couch has been missing my ass this whole time. So, what better way to start of my post summer camp movie viewing than watching movies about, well, summer camp. Growing up in the 80’s brought a plethora of camp movies from Meatballs to Friday the 13th. It was the Saturday night slasher films that have always been the most interesting and entertaining to me. And with that, I was excited to see a series of B-Movies camp slasher flicks, starting with Sleepaway Camp 2.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Michael A. Simpson

Starring: Renee Estevez, Pamela Springsteen (yes-Bruce’s sister), Brian Patrick Clarke, Walter Gotell

Rated: R

Tagline: When you go camping, just take the essentials.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 20%

Crazy Counselor’s Body Count: 18 and 1 implied

Camper turned serial killer in Sleepaway Camp, Angela Baker returns to a new camp only this time with a new identity and new position as counselor. Her goal is to make sure that the campers are following the rules and being nice and if they aren’t then she takes it upon herself to “send them home” or kill them one by one in interesting and macabre ways.

Important Things you can Learn:

  • People with mullets always tell the best ghost stories around campfires.
  • Be sure to pick Angela for the softball team, she’s got quite the swing.
  • Boobs! Boobs! – Tit Patrol reporting for duty
  • Camp is for early 20 year olds who get stoned and sleep naked.
  • Blue Ribbon winning counselors are always the most chipper in the morning.
  • Anybody think that names of the campers is a coincidence? Molly, Ally, Judd, Charlie, Sean, Emilio, Demi, etc
  • Can you find the wet t-shirt winner?
  • Getting high and drunk is likely to get you burned during camp.
  • The loudest pantie raid ever. Nothing encourages bunk bonding than a pantie sort.
  • Boobs!
  • Were there cordless drills in 1988?
  • In the naval reserve!  Ha Ha! Good one.
  • Not sure exactly what the “feel the surprise in the box” game was for? I can’t imagine a bunch of high school graduates would be lining up for that one. Thank god for them that Justin Timberlake wasn’t there, we all know what he likes to put in a box.
  •  Polaroid Boobs!
  • Turn that radio up. Hell yeah! The only black girl in camp likes her some 80’s hair metal. That’s her jam!
  • A black Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger with a mullet. Yeah, I’d be scared.
  • Boobs!
  • Wait blonds can’t read can they? Why does she keep looking at that note?
  • Was that a leech or a turd on poor Ally’s face?
  • Guitar strings are awfully tough on the throat.
  • Apparently when a girl screams at camp, nobody seems to care.
  • Dear Angela, would you please learn another verse to the song, Kum ba yah.
  • Looks like Freddy Krueger got his face back.
  • Tips for Kids #1: Battery acid kills if it comes in contact with your skin, so please be careful.
  • Gotta love our justice system. Serial killer gets out after four years. She’s perfectly cured. After psychiatric treatment and electro therapy that is.
  • Bravo for Anthony’s Ned Stark impression.
  • Great, kill the only two kids who were of age to go to this summer camp.
  • If the smoking doesn’t kill you, the crazy camp counselor will.
  • Nice 80’s ballad as the credits roll.

Quotable Quotes:

“Screw you Angela, if you want to send me home, then fine, see if I care!”

“Nice girls don’t have to show it off.” – But it sure helps.

““Oooooohhhh, I’m a happy camper! I love the summer sun. I love the trees and forest; I’m always having fun!”

“Party hats at Two O’Clock.”

“Not tonight, I’ve got a date.” – “With who?” – “His left hand!”

“Keep your morals strong, and you will never be wrong.”

“Who locked the door? I’m gonna tell!”

“Molly, stop. I just want to be your friend!”

“Thanks for picking me up.” – “Heck, ain’t no skin off my tits. Besides, a girl like you shouldn’t be alone on this road.”

THE FINAL WORD:

Well, Sleepaway Camp 2 was not anywhere close to the first in this schlocky series of teenage/camp slasher movies. Probably the most notable changes between the two, for those who have seen the first, is that the main character is portrayed by a completely different actress which makes sense due to the “sexual reconfiguration” of the character. She also adds some attempted humor with some witty one-liners for each of her victims before she does them in. Regardless whoever the main character is, they won’t be in line for any type of thespian award anytime soon. As for the rest of the cast, it’s a B-Movie for god sakes, I don’t know what I’m expecting. The acting aside, unfortunately the plot of the film is not one of them. I was really, really bothered how the filmmakers tried to pass off it’s twenty something actors as young teens who would actually attend a summer camp of this caliber. Despite it’s bad acting and weak story, every horny heterosexual male will love the copious amounts of breasts being bared. During the first 2/3 of the film, there is hardly a five-minute period that goes by that isn’t broken up by a pair of “party hats”. In addition to the breasts, there are a couple of sex scenes as it would not be an 80’s slasher movie without one. While I could continue to mention the scenes that show plenty of skin, it behooves me to mention the best part of any teen killer flick – the over-the-top elimination of each character. This film has quite the murder menagerie which ranges from battery acid to the face and having a lobotomy via a drill bit to drowning in an outhouse toilet full of crap and leeches. And yes, there are the horror film staples, the throat slashing and the always popular decapitation.

While this slasher film isn’t anything like the Friday the 13th movie that it wants so desperately to be, it is mildly entertaining, if nothing else for the body count that is amassed throughout the film. I am giving Sleepaway Camp 2 a rating of three turds out of five, which is somewhere between being sliced by a chainsaw and burnt to a crisp on a barbecue.

sleepaway camp jason

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Introducing: April Fool’s Day (1986)

april fools dayApril Fool’s Day. The day known for many a plan of pranks and highjinx among those who we consider friends and family. Working with kids all day long, I have to listen to the constant joke about open flies or untied shoes and usually the most creative pranks come from the adults that I work with. Needing a little more substance to my April Fool’s Day, I saw that Netflix and Crackle were both streaming an appropriately named movie, April Fool’s Day. As I saw the movie’s cover art showing a lady holding a knife behind her back in front of a number of laughing friends with her pony tail in the form of a noose, it brought back memories of seeing it on the movie shelves when going to the video store when I was younger. So, with those memories on my mind, I loaded up the film, sat back and relaxed and hoped that I wasn’t going to be the one getting pranked.

Streaming on: Netflix, Crackle

Directed by: Fred Walton

Starring: Jay Baker, Thomas F. Wilson, Deborah Goodrich, Ken Olandt, Griffin O’Neal

Rated: R

Tagline: Guess who’s going to be the life of the party?

Rotten Tomatoes: 36%

Number of April Fool’s Day Pranks: no less than 15

A group of college friends make plans for a week long getaway on the small private island of a good friend. As the group enters the island, they enjoy playing a few April Fool’s Day pranks on each other. As the week progresses, the friends start to disappear mysteriously and turn up dead. While the friends try to solve the reason for the killings, a young couple, Kitt and Rob, begin to put clues together to find out who the killer is. As the friends continue to be picked off one by one, Kitt and Rob, confront the weekend’s hostess, Muffy, about the murders. Muffy however, has something in store for them and shows her true intentions of inviting the guests to the island.

Things you don’t want to miss:

  • We are looking at the beginning of the shaky hand held cam movie troupe.
  • Biff gives it up on the first date.
  • Scariest music box of all time!
  • Muffy is such an unfortunate name.
  • Video cameras have come a long way since they required an over the shoulder bag.
  • Never read that version of Treasure Island in high school, I probably would have been more attentive.
  • Come on fella, everyone knows you don’t catch a knife with your stomach. Let the pranks begin.
  • Hang on to that eye so you don’t lose it.
  • When Barbie dolls hold your place at the table, you know it’s a classy affair.
  • The farts are supposed to come after the beans, not before.
  • Watch out for booby traps before going to bed.
  • What the hell kind of position is that? The Spiderman?
  • No one can have sex in this film without having someone peeping on them.
  • Snakes! Why does it always have to be snakes?
  • Those boots belong to someone who can make the earth move.
  • Ding Dong Dell, pussy’s in the well…along with some heads.
  • Apparently Lorena Bobbitt  is a guest on the island.
  • We all knew that Ned had been hanging around too long. Cue rimshot sound here.
  • Grown women playing with Barbies is always a bad sign.
  • The guests end up being quite the cast of characters.
  • Yikes, that music box is just as scary. *Wink*

Foolish Dialogue:

“Nice? It’s gonna to be bloody unbelievable.”

“Hey guy, your fly is open and your Hostess Twinkie is hangin’ out.”

“Please god, let it be Ding-Dongs!”

“Sometimes, with the tides, it could take somebody all night to get here from the main land. Yet sometimes, they don’t make it.”

“You can just take that thing and shove it right back in your pants kiddo.”

“Arch, you browned your trou(sers).”

THE FINAL WORD:

During the 80’s many movies tried to capture the popularity of the slasher movie craze. Throughout the many movies that were made, this gave audiences a chance to sit back, watch, and even accept some mindless and over the top death scenes as well as some teenage sex and nudity. Thinking that this is along the same vain that this film was going to fall into as well, I didn’t have too much hope for it. The beginning of the film started off as many other slasher films do with it’s character development. At first I was getting frustrated that all of the “killings” were all done off screen and implied. This was upsetting me because I thought I had tuned in to a slasher film for god’s sake. The cast of this movie, while no one was up for an Oscar due to their performance, wasn’t bad at all. In fact, a bit enjoyable, and each had their own distinct personality.   And hey, it has the guy who played Biff in it!! The film’s score wasn’t terrible and reminded me of the X-Files theme. I kept waiting to see Fox and Mulder pop up in various scenes. The movie’s plot wasn’t all too deep, at least at first thought. But as it played out, the title became more and more relevant to me. I am not about to spoil the movie’s ending, but I must say I didn’t see it coming. And then, I realized why the trouble was spent not having the “slashing” on screen. And as far as I am concerned this was a pleasant surprise and a creative break from the serial-killer/slasher movies of it’s time. And I warn you, this is not your typical “scary slasher flick”. It is with this slight praise and enjoyment that I give this film a 1.5 turd rating.

april fools day 3

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