Tag Archives: zombie

Introducing: Zombie High (1987)

zombie-high-1987As school starts again for thousands of students across the nation, and teachers too, what better way to open a new school year than with a movie entitled, Zombie High. Now, some teachers can debate that there are days where high school students walk around as if in a zombified state anyway, but it’s always nice to see someone else having to put with it for a change. And in the case of Zombie High, it’s a young Virginia Madsen that gets to deal with those students, but only because they are her peers. Sound interesting…it’s not. I’d rather spend 93 minutes in a high school economics class listening to a lecture that have sit through Zombie High. But, I did. So, in honor of school beginning and of the reports and papers that are bound to be written in the next few months, I have provided you with the Clif Notes versions of this academic nightmare of a flick.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Rob Link

Starring: Virginia Madsen, Richard Cox, Paul Fieg, T. Scott Coffey, Paul Williams

Rated: R

Tagline: None – Might I suggest, “This school will pick your brain.”

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 15% Audience

Number of  lobotomized students it takes to form a perfect dance number in sync: 4

A promising young woman is awarded a scholarship to a prestigious all boys boarding school. When she starts to notice that her peers seem to drastically change their personalities and become straight laced focused students, she begins to uncover a nefarious secret about the school’s never-aging faculty.

Most Important Parts you Won’t want to Miss:

  • Everybody knows actions speak louder than words, listen to the beat get up on your feet. Let’s Go!
  • Pop up those collars kids, it is the 80’s after all.
  • Carpe Diem! –  in harmony
  • They sure aren’t stingy with the mashed potatoes.
  • Looks like someone is going to need to learn some different pick up lines.
  • Gang rape by some frat boys.
  • Watch out for the girls that have PSM. They are a bit weird.
  • Zzzzz…oh, what?
  • If a scream and a crash of stainless steel equipment isn’t a clue that someone is sneaking about in the infirmary, nothing is.
  • I’m guessing that whoever scored this soundtrack was a drum major.
  • The professor looks pretty good for a 102 year old.
  • Best use of scene swipes since Star Wars.
  • Breakfast of Champions – injections of blood and brain matter.
  • OMG, I’m having flashbacks to watching episodes of Dukes of Hazard during the car chase.
  • Man, those screen swipes sure are noisy.
  • Stay out of the way when old zombies want to hit the bottle.
  • Barry’s shoes must double as roller skates.
  • Quite possibly the worst rip off of the Beastie Boys I’ve ever heard
  • My thoughts about this movie exactly – Kiss My Butt!

Award Winning Quotes:

“You know there’s a 10 to 1 guys to girls ratio here?”

“You give me potatoes, I’ll kill your entire family.”

“The only thing I hate more than women is men.”

“Dullness is a contagious disease around here.”

“You can’t replace human emotions with a crystal.”

“Craziest damn thing I ever heard.”

“Craziest damn thing I ever heard.”

“Craziest damn thing I ever heard.”

“You’re tapped, f**ker.”

“Got yourself quite an education didn’t you?”

THE FINAL WORD:

Despite the always entertaining, Virginia Madsen, and the awesome 80’s clothes, this movie really doesn’t have much to offer. If you were thinking that you were getting ready for an all out zombie fest full of blood and gore. Well, think again. The plot is quite uninteresting and actually a bit stupid. Saying that the pacing was a little sluggish is doing this film justice. What a bore. In fact, nothing happens until a Hazzard County style car chase scene, complete with dirt road fishtailing and dirt pile jumping, that takes place when the “mystery” of the school starts to take shape. The special effects masters of this film didn’t do a whole lot better either. What little bit of “monster” we saw, was nothing more than a latex mask pulled over the head that no one made an attempt to conceal by at least tucking the bottom of the mask down into the actor’s shirt. Nope, it was left just hanging there for a scene that maybe took 10 secs of screen time. If this film was being graded at it’s own fictional academy, it would receive a generous D-, but since I’m grading it, I give the film the score that it has earned with a score of 4 turds.

zombie high old farts

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Introducing: Zombie Lake (1981)

2145944For the past two months, I have been waiting in anticipation for one of my favorite TV shows, AMC’s, The Walking Dead. I love it. Zombies are the cool thing these days and movies that feature them will be hitting television and movie screens over the course of the next year. So, to prepare myself for the upcoming episode of the Walking Dead, I searched for the word zombie on Netflix streaming. The first selection to come up was Zombie Lake, a French movie made in 1981. I quickly found the film on Rotten Tomatoes as well and I knew I was in for a long evening when there wasn’t even a critic rating listed, and had an audience rating of 18%. And I definitely wasn’t disappointed. My suggestion to anyone else who wants to queue this zombie flick up, is to acquint yourself with the list of important details that we have graciously provided so that you can watch it on fast forward and not have to totally waste 92 minutes of your time.

Streaming on: Netflix

Directed by: Jean Rollin

Starring: Howard Vernon, Antonio Mayans, Pierre-Marie Escourrou

Rated: NR

Tagline: God help us if they rise again!

Number of Continuity Flaws: at least 24 or any scene that involved the mayor

During a small skirmish outside of a small German village, German soldiers are shot, killed, and then thrown in the lake. Several years later those soldiers mysteriously return in the form of zombies that are hungry for naked girls and anyone else who gets in their way. The zombies roam freely around the village while the villagers try to thwart their attack with useless firearms. A flashback sequence tells the story of one German soldier’s deflowering of a local woman and the subsequent offspring that happens as a result of it. Both father and mother die and the young child, Helena, is left an orphan. Returning back to the present day setting of the movie, the girl’s father has now been transformed into a zombie but amazingly enough has the memory of his long lost daughter and develops a relationship with her. Creepy. Seeing how the zombies respond to her “father” gives her an idea that will help save the village from becoming inevitable Zombie Snacks.

Make sure you don’t miss:

  • Porno style bells and chimes music to opening credits.
  • Boobs!!
  • I wasn’t aware that beavers sunned themselves on logs.
  • Dirty ponds with lily pads above water, turn into bright blue swimming pools when one goes underwater.
  • Gotta love English dubbing.
  • Spank it, spank it, oh yes you naughty girl. Spank that washing.
  • Warning to women #1:  Beware of local zombies, they will slobber blood all over you.
  • After being shot dead, fire has the ability to bring the dead back to life so they can run away.
  • Time for a roll in the hay – Boobs! – You can only have so much fan with your pants on. Watch out for the belt buckle.
  • Great piece of acting from a grieving wet nurse. I smell an OSCAR!!!
  • Van full of giggly young women – cue Benny Hill music here.
  • Boobs! x 8
  • Warning to women #2:  Skinny dipping in a lake riles up underwater zombies.
  • They’ve been in the water so long, their zombie paint is wearing off.
  • It’s not everyday, a topless girl runs into the local cafe, at least none I’ve never been to. Unfortunately.
  • Zombie father with a fresh coat of face paint and daughter reunion, how sweet.  And, wow that zombie has an incredible memory and coordination for being dead for 10+ years.
  • Zombie make out session with cop – ewwww…
  • Live zombie make out session in barn – disturbingly more gross – and they didn’t have the green face paint
  • Excuse me miss, your garter is showing.
  • Zombies emerging from the water – cool scene – all except for the one over actor on the far left
  • Try your best to refrain from a lame Michael Jackson, Thriller reference. – It’s close to midnight, and something evils’ lurking in the dark – Dammit!
  • Zombies foam at the mouth when shot?
  • Zombie v Zombie: Quick somebody call Vince McMahon – I’ve got a new Wrestlemania match for him to consider.
  • Wallpaper doesn’t look so great on doors.
  • Warning to women #3: Stopping to take a picture during a zombie attack could lead to your demise.
  • Mmmm…Zombies love tomato soup, oops, I mean blood.
  • Flamethrower for the win. I wonder if Zombies taste like chicken?
  • Cue the tears…and…FIN!

Best Dubbed over Quotes:

“Let’s get away from this heap of hicks.”

“We’d better face the fact: the zombies have declared war. Those two cops were skeptical. Our fate’s now in our own hands. We must find a way to safeguard our town from the mad, murdering zombies’

“Ah ha…yeah…let’s go get ’em. Yeah…ahhhh…let’s go.”

“Not him Grandma, he fought them off, he saved my life.”

“Bring me a whole lot of fresh blood.”

Final Thoughts:

Let me begin by saying, this film is atrocious. I don’t have the time to list all the minor flaws that are in this movie. Let me just start with one obvious and very disturbing flaw, the zombies. The makeup was absolutely horrendous and unforgivable. The zombies faces were painted a deep shade of green and in some some scenes, the makeup was completely rubbed off of their faces. And the most inexcusable zombie flaw was the storyline of the father/daughter reunion. Zombies are dead, have no feelings, and just have one thing on their mind, food. One particular zombie in this film not only has a memory of a daughter he left behind, but remembers where she lives, and is nimble and coordinated enough to take off a necklace from his neck and place it around hers. Awful, awful, awful…The Walking Dead it’s not.

Second aspect of the film that I couldn’t get past was the constant continuity issues, and there were many, this flick had. Characters flitted from one scene to another each with a different wardrobe change and  just showed up out of nowhere to say a line or inject themselves into the scene. Many scenes were completely pointless.

The soundtrack sounded as if two eight-year olds were let loose in a music store and were given free reign to play with the instruments. And by that description, I think I gave the soundtrack some justice. Then there was the nudity, and plenty of it. Now, I’m appreciative of a good looking nude female body just as much as the next guy, but even that couldn’t save this movie. These flaws have led me to give this movie a 4.5 turd rating out of 5 turds. One of the worst movies I have ever seen.

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Raiders of the Living Dead (1986)

 

What can be more exciting around Halloween than zombies? Zombies are a big draw in recent years with TV series like AMC’s “The Walking Dead”, and several big budget films that feature the undead. With that thought in mind, now think back to the days of your youth when we all would stay up late to watch “Up All Night” on the USA Network. We stayed up late because we knew those B-movies were cheesy, and although edited of all the gore and skin, we movies our parents didn’t want us watching. What we tend to forget however, was the fact there were some really crappy movies shown during that segment. I believe that I have uncovered the daddy of them all as it relates to awful B-movies, Raiders of the Living Dead. I thought that might be something related to Halloween in the 85 minutes of film, but I was proven wrong yet again. So, if you are brave enough to search for this movie in your video stream, I suggest that you put it on fast forward and just read through the highlights from the movie we’ve provided. Trust me, you’ll get more for the highlights than you would from the film anyway.

Streaming on: Hulu+

Directed by: Samuel Sherman

Starring: Scott Schwartz, Robert Deveau, Donna Asali, Bob Allen

Tagline: They hunt down Zombies who feed on Human meals.

Number of soundtrack sales:  Zero!

Synopsis:

As the film begins, a terrorist hijacks a tank truck and takes it, the driver, and some casual hostages into a chemical plant, where he is overpowered and killed by a tough black cop with a bit of a strut. Why do I mention this? I don’t know as it has nothing, and I mean nothing to do with the rest of the film. A newspaper reporter follows a story out to an old correctional institute where he believes something unnatural is going on. After he is chased from the facility by something scary, he is bound and determined to get to the bottom of what he saw. Not worried one bit that the lady he went out there with is now a zombie snack. After being picked up on the road by a “concerned citizen”, Morgan the reporter, develops a crush for his savior and together they go out and laugh uncontrollably at a Three Stooges movie.(At this point, you might be starting to wonder, what is the point of this movie? Trust me, I watched the whole thing and still don’t know.)

Enter Jonathan, a budding Einstein who likes to take apart old electronics and accidentally make a laser gun out of it. After a series of choppy events, Morgan ends up boarding up for the night at the home of Jonathan and his grandfather, who tells them both of his suspicions about the zombies. To make a long, drawn out, boring story short, after learning that a doctor was bringing corpses back to life via his experiments (for not explained reasons) Morgan, grandfather, and Jonathan return to the island of zombies and clean house. Oh yes, all with the help of Jonathan’s supped up laser gun.

What you Would be Missing:

  • Corny soundtrack. This soundtrack is all over the place right from the get go. Adventurous? Whimsical? 80’s Prime Time?
  • Remember when cell phones had an antenna as long as your arm?
  • Stupid terrorist vs cocky black cop in cat and mouse game through a power plant ends in a shocking result.
  • Long scene of the tearing apart of a Laser Disc player…and some really crappy music. That kid can really go to town with a pair of needle nosed pliers, a screwdriver, and some electrical tape.
  • WARNING REMOVAL OF COVER EXPOSES HAZARDOUS VOLTAGES! Stupid kid.
  • One dead hamster. Way to take one for the team Felix. No doubt the best acting in the movie so far.
  • Good lord, the girl is an even worse actor than anyone else. Listening to their flirtacious banter back and forth is enough to throw up in your mouth.
  • Zombie attack
  • Ahh…the days when someone could walk into a gun store, purchase a snub nosed rifle and walk out with it.
  • Does anyone really laugh that hard at a Three Stooges movie?
  • Surely in 1986, films were able to create better visual laser effects than this.
  • Long sequences without any dialogue, don’t know why I’m complaining the dialogue hasn’t done anything for the film up to this point.
  • Old lady with a lisp telling local history. She looks as though she might be a zombie herself.
  • The cutaways are almost as if there were commercial breaks in the film.
  • Has there been any mention about how bad the music is?
  • Zombie Attack!! Just what exactly are they doing to that poor guy? Use your gun dummy, use your gun!
  • Apparently church bells are a zombie alarm clock.
  • Zombies appear randomly out of different doors in the prison, followed by a montage of lame zombie killings.
  • Oh come on, lasers and arrows won’t kill zombies. Everyone knows that you have to shoot them in the head.
  • What? That’s the end? What the hell just happened? Be damned sure that I’m not going to rewind and watch again to find out.

Quality Dialogue:

“You look like a guy who has a pretty interesting story if a person wanted to pry.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I think someone has found a way to bring dead bodies back to life.”

“Hear the footsteps, noises at night.- Something’s burning, fire burning bright. – Keeps getting closer, chills me to my soul. – They come to get me, hear the Devil call. – The Dead are after me! – I said the Dead are after me!”

Let me sum up this film quickly and painlessly – TOTAL SHITE! I realize that there wasn’t much of a budget to make the film, but come on. This one is really BAD. The script seemed as though is was made up on the fly as they were filming as there were many, many continuity issues, bad editing,  and plot holes. The acting was nothing short of atrocious as well as the dialogue. But the absolute worst part of the film in my opinion was the very awkward and undeniably horrible soundtrack. The film was filled with bad 80’s TV drama music that didn’t match the film at all. And what made it worse was that there were several scenes of no dialogue (even though things were going on) and it was filled with this crappy music. Ugh… Without question, this film gets the ultimate 5 out of 5 turds.

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The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1964)

If you are in the mood for a good zombie movie with a lot of scares and grotesque scenes of eating brains and munching on humans, then stay totally clear of this complete disaster. Calling this film a B-Movie is giving it two grades higher than it deserves. I had the dubious honor of watching this incredibly strange creature of a film. The good thing is that since I decided to take one for the team, you can now use that 84 minutes to write the lyrics to your own unintelligible song about nothing in particular.

Streaming on: Crackle

Directed by: Ray Dennis Steckler

Starring: Cash Flagg, Carolyn Brandt, Brett O’Hara

Rated: R

Tagline: A Horrifying Movie of Weird Beauties and Shocking Monsters…

Jerry and his friend, Harold, take his girlfriend on an evening out by going to the local amusement park complete with fortune teller and dance hall full of “strippers”. After visiting the fortune teller and receiving information that was undesirable, Jerry decides to ditch the girlfriend and spend his evening watching the dance hall girls. While watching, Jerry is invited back stage, by the hideouly handsome, Ortega, strange things happen to Jerry that turn him into a cold blooded killer. What about the zombies you ask? Don’t bother.

What you would be missing:

      • One horned up Fortune Teller…with a gigantic mole on her face and a bad fake tan.
      • Maybe if she used that poison on her own face, she might get rid of that mole.
      • Dubbed in scream from what is sure to be an impressive acting performance. For crying out loud lady it’s just a cat. And please God, tell me that’s not the same teddy bear that I had growing up.
      • Two swinging guys riding in a shag’on wagon.
      • Holy hair do! – Nice dramatic chipmunk moment there Angie.
      • Hey let’s go to the amusement park over there. That looks like fun.
      • Probably the most disturbing and annoying ticket vendor I’ve ever seen.
      • Oh those wacky teens, just having a good time. I’ve never felt so giddy and happy that I feel the need to randomly hop like someone lit a firecracker in my ass.
      • A dull and lame stand up comedy routine. Where’s Michael Richards when you need him?
      • And I thought shaky cams in today’s films were nauseating.
      • Wow, who was the set designer on this film…Yikes! Looks like the film was made for $38,000, oh wait, it was.
      • Damn that death card about as terrifying as getting the Old Maid!
      • What a waste of fifty cents.
      • Ortega sure is an ugly fellow, looks like a cross between Oliver Twist’s Fagin and a Walmart $2.00 Halloween mask.
      • We all know those two little boys at the front of the stage are just dying to go in to the stripper show, they sure have been there a long time.
      • Worst carnival show ever. – Am I the only one who can picture Adele recording this song and making it a hit?
      • The three guys in the crowd sure make a lot of noise, considering two of them weren’t clapping.
      • Man she’s good at hypnotism, I almost feel like falling asleep. Oh wait, it actually has nothing to do with her hypnotism techniques – it’s the directors.
      • I’m starting to wonder if this is supposed to be a musical or not. At least four musical numbers so far. No of them worth a damn.
      • Drunk Marge trying to dance again. That didn’t last long. Jerry comes in for the kill. Kill that mannequin, kill that mannequin.
      • Ummm…what the hell was that? I’m going to chalk that up to a filmmaker’s acid trip.
      • Good grief, another song…good thing is, we can’t understand the lyrics to the song.
      • Another dancing and musical number. Milli Vanili have nothing on this chick. She only seems to be in sync with the soundtrack on close up shots. Shick out of Shape? What the hell does that mean?
      • Oh my god, yet another undistinquishable musical number.
      • Harold, what accent is that? You sound like Jean Claude Van Damme and Arnold Schwarzenagger munching on a bag of marbles.
      • Jerry looks like a dead ringer for Eminem in that hoodie. OJ could have taken some tips from him, quite the killing spree without a drop of blood on him.
      • And the reward for most retarded looking and acting zombies goes to…this film!
      • I can totally see African tribes dancing to this same music!
      • There’s those two little kids again, for god’s sake just let them into the show will ya!
      • So, is it customary to bite your knuckles when you scream?
      • This last scene must go on forever.
      • The End…Thank the lord.

Academy Award Winning Dialogue:

“You dirty, filthy pig! So, I belong with the freaks, huh? I’ll fix you so even the freaks won’t look at you.”

“Ortega, Ortega, take him and make him like my other pets!”

“Get your tickets here. Get your tickets, get your tickets, get your tickets here!”

“Clouds affect only the cloudy”

“We have 20 beautiful girls and only ten beautiful costumes!” – Well, that was a lie on both counts.

“Look at the wheel…see how it speens.”

Well, just to let you know, there were zombies eventually. They thankfully entered the film just in time to break up one final dreadful musical number. This movie had quite the array of genres mixed in to one. Unfortunately, none of them worked really well. The film had one of the most appalling cast of actors I think I’ve ever seen. The set was not good nor was the soundtrack. However, I must say that for $38,000 one can’t expect too much. Despite it’s meager budget and lofty expectations, this film is getting the dreaded 5 turds out of 5 from me.

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The Children (1980)

Anyone up for a sci-fi horror flick that will make you want to hug your children tight and pray you don’t get turned into hamburger. What? Sounds totally random, but this movie has just that. Well, I watched it so you wouldn’t have to use 90 minutes of your time, so you could lose your hands doing something else productive.

Streaming on: Hulu+

Directed by: Max Kalmanowicz

Starring: Martin Shakar, Gil Rogers, Gail Garrnett

Tagline: Something terrifying has happened to the children… pray you never meet them!

A gas leak from a nuclear power plant causes a deadly fog that wafts over a county road in Ravensback. After the local school bus drives through the ominous smoke cloud, the noxious gases turn all the kids on board into zombies who are physically uneffected by the fog with the exception of their goth black fingernails. The kid zombies have the ability to now burn adults to a crisp with a simple hug. And who wouldn’t want to give these kids a hug after they were assumed missing. The children quickly charbroil the town’s adults which lead them to the final set of parents. This set of parents, along with the sheriff, don’t take to kindly to the children and attempt to solve the epidemic themselves. After a few gunshots wounds to the chest, a burnt arm, a game of tag that ends up with a charcoal briquet, and some severed hands, the only thing left is to rid the town of these atomic children.

What you would be missing:

  • Slim and Jim, is that really the workers names?
  • Happy kids singing songs of love and adoration to their bus driver. Barf!
  • Hey bus driver, never mind that eerie looking fog wafting across the road.
  • Lesbian lovers and codeine…apparently that’s for another movie.
  • Scary Psycho stabby-stabby music!
  • Funny how flesh burns easier than the polyester clothing.
  • Okay, I think I heard this music in Friday the 13th! Harry Manfredini, you soundtrack regifter.
  • Yikes meet the creepy new deputies in town
  • Boobs!
  • That’s it sheriff, you dump that dope in the pool.
  • My how cell phones have evolved! Every scary movie has to have some pompous douchebag that we can’t wait to see die. Groovy music too douche.
  • Hey dumbass, go around her. How hard can it be?
  • More stabby-stabby music!
  • Sure makes you think twice about hugging a kid from now on.
  • Now that’s what you call a family barbeque!
  • Sign that kid up for the Second Mile program and Penn State is still playing bowl games! – What too soon?
  • Apparently, only kids are effected by this nuclear fog.
  • I’m pretty sure beating on the phone plunger doesn’t give you a dial tone any quicker.
  • So which would be worse, beating a dead horse or shooting a cooked canine?
  • The lady of the General Store sounds like Tom Cat from Tom and Jerry when she dies. (Oops sorry, Spoiler Alert!)
  • And the winner for “Worst Mom of the Year” goes to…Drinking, smoking, and pregnant. Her kid will end up a zombie even without the nuclear power leak.
  • Sheriff is picking off kids like he’s trying to win a stuffed bear at a carnival.
  • When you play tag with a zombie, you never win.
  • Zombies die by cutting off their hands? And apparently they purr and howl as they die too!
  • Could this movie be any darker? What happened to the lighting?
  • Damn the sheriff sure is a tall man.
  • Looks like someone has played a little too much Fruit Ninja. Dude is going wild with that sword!
  • Hands, hands, everywhere!
  • There must have been only six kids in this whole town…oops, spoke too soon, seven. See “Worst Mom of the Year” comment from above. Did I not call that one?
  • Hey, wait a minute. The douchebag didn’t die? What? He’s never seen again. So did the director need some time filler or what?

Memorable Quotes:

“Here’s to the bus driver, the best of them all!”

“A kidnapping in Ravensback, how exciting!”

“Tell us, Harry.” – “Yeah, tell us, Harry.” – “Tell us, Harry.” – “TELL US, HARRY!”

“I’d like to hump that bitch.”

“Hey, hey, hey! Harry the hawk does it again!”

“You just shot a dead dog.”

Despite being burdened with cheesy acting  and a ridiculous premise, this film was rather entertaining. It definitely isn’t good by any means, but there was something to be liked about it. I’m guessing there was some commentary about kids getting back at their parents for the choices that they have made in the past or something. Oh well…no sense in finding logic in this one, might as well rate it instead.  I was somewhat intrigued with the idea of zombie children and was interested throughout. With that said, I am going to give this one 2 turds out of 5.

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The Video Dead (1987)

So, who wants to see a zombie movie?

Streaming from: Netflix

Directed by: Robert Scott

Starring: Roxanna Augesen, Rocky Duvall, Victoria Bastel

Tagline: The living dead are here, and they’re lusting for blood – yours! and Look what’s buried inside your television.

The Video Dead features a plot (and I use that term loosely) that centers around a T.V. (complete with dials – remember those things) that comes shipped in an unmarked crate. After years of being locked up, two teens recover television and place it in their house that they have just moved into, while conveniently, their parents are out of the country.

This television is cursed with only being able to “pick up” a channel that must apparently show a scene from a zombie movie over and over and over again. However, these zombies on screen have the ability to cross over into the real world via the TV. Well, of course, a zombie gotta eat! So, chaos ensues as the zombies wreck havoc throughout this peaceful neighborhood.

Should you decide to pass this movie over on the suggestions that Netflix has chosen for you, I’ll summarized what you would have seen.

What you would be missing-

  • Cheesy acting – And lots of it. The mouth on the main actress, Roxanna Augesen, really bothered me. I couldn’t help but think that her mouth was making rectangle shapes while she talked and smiled. It was odd. With the quality of acting throughout this film, it’s no wonder that most of these actors went to appear in nothing else.
  • Giggling Zombies – Yes, you read right, zombies that chuckle after one of their antics on an old lady.
  • Did you know that old fat ladies could be washed in the washing machine? And who knew that the spin cycle still worked with the lid open?
  • Ever wondered what it would look like, or sound like for that matter, when someone’s head turned a total 360 degrees?
  • A younger brother whose machete swinging technique leaves a little to be desired.
  • A chainsaw wielding zombie
  • Boobs!
  • A  horrific soundtrack containing clearly 80’s tunes that will make you wish you still had that Walkman cassette that ate the tapes.
  • Zombies in various states of decay – ranging from those that, interestingly enough, still bleed after being dead for decades,  to another that is oddly a smurfy shade of blue.
  • Zombies that are afraid of their own reflection. Because then they can see that they are truly not among the living.
  • Did you know that zombies can also sense fear?

So, without any further ado, how would someone rate this awful movie?

I would give it a 4 out of 5…turds that is, with 5 being the worst.

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